Silly question, right? How can you ever have enough to stop the madness when it comes to the ways adults often interact with children who have differences?

We can make it better. We can train adults in more loving and effective methods, and we can teach children emotional coping skills, social skills, and better ways to behave so they get more of what they really need.

And hey, it’s not rocket science. We can all get better at what we do, making the world a better place for children, so that each successive generation is healthier than the last, making the world better by making more healthy loving people.

I hope you will sign up to join me in learning and sharing by clicking here

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Ever wonder why people get “stuck?” Is it fear of change? Staying in the comfort zone of what you have gotten used to, even if it’s not really what you want and dream of? Listening to the internal critic and pessimism, resigning yourself to helplessness, in effect giving away your power to change? Or maybe it’s blaming someone or something for holding you back- not enough time, money, energy, nobody helps you, somebody is keeping you this way, believing things are static and can’t change, this is just the way it is?

There are many ways people can give away their power, the power to change, to create something new, to feel or think the way you really want to, to act differently or react differently.

Our stories about ourselves, our children, and our lives are very powerful. They inform us about how to think, feel, and act. They tell us what we can and can not do. We tell our stories to others who will listen and agree with our story. If they didn’t agree, or offered another explanation, it is as if they are denying us our reality, the one we are invested in, perhaps the one that explains why we have no power to be different, to feel different, to think and act differently to get a new outcome. So we tend to seek those who agree with us, and become angry with those who do not, denying their message and our own power for change. This is tribal power. This is how we maintain our “illness.”

Children learn this from us at an early age.

“He makes me get mad and have a fit.”

“My parents don’t let me play enough video games and just leave me alone, and that’s the only thing that makes me happy, I can’t live and be happy without them, my parents just want to control me, I’m miserable because of my parents, or because of school.”

“I can’t stand it when things aren’t fair.”

“School is just too boring. I can’t do it.”

“I can’t concentrate because I have…(ADHD, don’t care,…”

“I’m just lazy, that’s why I don’t do homework.”

“My parents care more about ________ than me.”

The list goes on and on.

About a thousand years ago, there was an old man sitting by a road in the dirt. It was hot, and dry, and dusty. As he sat there, a traveler approached. The man walking looked sweaty and burdened by the pack on his back, his head hung as he watched his feet moving slowly through the dust. Clump, clump, clump.

When he got to the old man sitting, he looked up and said, “Tell me about the next town I am coming to. The one I came from is horrible. The people treated me badly, there was no justice, no love, and no way to make a decent living. Is the next town any better, is it a place I should go?”

The old man frowned and shook his head sadly. “No,” he said, “You will find the same thing in the next town, you should just keep going.”

About an hour later, another man came walking down the dusty road. This man carried himself erect, looked straight ahead, and smiled when he saw the old man. “Tell me,” he said, “I have just come from a town that was wonderful, the people were all nice to me, I was able to earn a decent living, the town was overall a very fair and just place to live. I am so sad to leave it. Will this next town be anything like the last, will people be nice and fair?”

The old man smiled and nodded his head. “You should definitely go and stay in the next town, it will be just the same, and you will be happy there.”

The “placebo effect” is another way our stories and beliefs inform us about how to think and feel and behave. We believe in the curing power of the pill, and we get better. Just like that.

All of the stories about the hero’s journey have common elements. There has to be weakness, darkness, struggle, seemingly insurmountable foes or odds holding them back. It takes courage to face the obstacles, the trolls under the bridges. It takes hope, investment, and a dream of better and different. Something or someone worthwhile to save. The hero struggles through a dark time, not knowing will he live or die, or ever finish her quest. The hero decides to try in spite of the fears, becomes stronger, overcomes obstacles, finds resources within and without,  learns skills, finds allies to help, and against all odds, emerges victorious in the end.

Star Wars has many such stories. The latest even has a heroine. We can use these stories as metaphors to help ourselves and our children overcome obstacles within and without to change and emerge victorious, to heal, to conquer, to “get better.” We can do this by referencing a story they know, a movie you just watched together, and compare them to the hero, comparing the obstacles and foes in the story to our or their obstacles and foes, we can elicit from them their story about what ails them, and help them construct a story where, like the hero, they become the hero in their own story.

“I wonder how and when you, like Luke, might overcome Darth Vader and the dark side, to use your force for good, and make your life and the lives of others better.” You can become the hero in your story. All you need is to first imagine the possibility and then have a little hope.

Get a free video and mini-course to help kids recognize and reconstruct their faulty thoughts and stories, and quit giving away their power to succeed and feel okay when faced with obstacles, criticism, and teasing here.

I’d love to hear your story, and after reviewing I can post stories and my responses to stories here on this post page.

Take the free 5 day challenge to change your story and become the hero by signing up here.

Brad Mason, LPC

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Autism Aspergers Syndrome PDD-NOS Book

I read some years ago in my NASP(National Association of School Psychologists http://www.nasponline.org/resources/ ) handbook that “autism is a lifelong disease. “ I think this is misleading from two standpoints. First, it’s not a disease. It doesn’t get worse as time goes on, it doesn’t mean the person is sick, and you can’t die from it. Second, while there may or may not be a “cure,” the symptoms of high functioning autism or PDD-NOS can and usually do improve over time and with effort. Rather than viewing autism as a disease, I would encourage you to think of it as a difference that may at times cause some “dis-ease,” and at other times may produce miracles of innovation and creativity.

I made this book for you. I wrote this to spread understanding, acceptance, and appropriate assistance for all the people who have symptoms of autism or asperger syndrome, and I created this text to accompany my video by the same title and for the same purposes. The video has interviews with some special people who have overcome a great many challenges, with help and special parenting, to find themselves comfortable with who they are and reconciled with the criticisms and judgements they received from others. I want you to become that person for someone else that always has compassion, always thinks well of them, continues to encourage and support even when unexpected behaviors are occurring. Hopefully you had at least one person in your life who you knew always saw you that way, and helped you see yourself as good, lifted you to your better possible self.

I think God made people different for a reason. Look at Einstein and Edison, DaVinci and Mozart.

Who do you think came up with and designed rockets and computers, anyway?

Either you or someone you know has autism. I hope this will help you expand your limits and overcome obstacles. You have no idea how much you have to offer and how far you and those you love can go until you stop limiting. With understanding, love, and therapeutic social connections we can all transform and leap into a happy, healthy, and purposeful life. I’ve seen this happen over and over in my practice.

This is not intended to be the be-all end-all manual for autism and asperger syndrome, it is meant to give a quick overview that explains why people with this condition have the difficulties and unexpected behaviors they display, and some resources and techniques for getting started on making it better. You should come away with an overview of the characteristics of autism spectrum disorder and have some practical strategies and good resources to help you remediate or compensate for these difficulties and help those on the spectrum do what is expected more often and enjoy a higher quality of life.

Mindblindness- Theory of Mind

Theory of mind, or TOM, means understanding that other people have their own agendas, feelings, and ideas that are separate from yours- their own mind with different plans, opinions, preferences, and experiences. So someone with disruptions in the development of TOM may tend to view the world as if we are all participating in the same stream of consciousness- theirs. This explains why a person on the spectrum may start a conversation somewhere in the middle without providing an introduction or context. Why they might be upset if your plan or opinion differs from theirs. Why they might at times treat others as if they should perform their will as if the separate person were an extension of the spectrum person’s body, like one of their hands. Wouldn’t you be frustrated if one of your arms or legs suddenly quit working and wouldn’t follow your instructions?
On the milder end we may have insistence that an opinion is a fact, neglecting to ask for help (because they don’t think about the fact that others may know things they don’t) and trouble with perspective-taking. On the severe end of disrupted development of TOM we could have a person who doesn’t recognize others as beings to interact with at all.
Characteristics of poorly developed theory of mind could include difficulty with the following;

-literal- Concrete and fail to interpret figures of speech/idioms, tend to split hairs such as arguing that it is not 4:00 yet it’s only 3:58.
-empathy- May not notice how others are feeling or may not modify their behavior to keep others feeling good.
-perspective taking- May stay stuck in their perspective and insist others are wrong if they don’t agree, may even try to make others agree they are right.
-persuading- May demand and insist rather than using tact and diplomacy to influence others.
-compromise- Exactly my way or the highway.
-honest to a fault- How much food did you have to eat to get that fat?
-conflict resolution- Lacking diplomacy and tact needed for resolving interpersonal problems.
-get overwhelmed- being around others because they are working so hard to figure them out rather than using intuition.

You may also notice the following characteristics:
-not know when to be embarrassed
-have trouble predicting how others will feel or react to them
-may appear rude and disrespectful
-may be paranoid because others seem so unpredictable
-trouble understanding deception
-starting in the middle of a conversation- think you know what they know
-don’t realize or read the cues that others aren’t interested in monologues

What are some ways to help a person develop better perspective-taking skills, more empathy, greater consideration of how they impact and shape the experience and feelings of the people with whom they share space?

To help with being overly literal and splitting hairs, I like to teach the kids what splitting hairs means, have them think about trying to split a hair, and show them on a clock with hands and numbers the difference between 3:58 and 4:00, and encourage the parents to use these keywords and anchoring experiences when their kid is “making a mountain out of a molehill” again. It can be fun to conjure and draw images to go with idioms for fun- a “brook chuckling over it’s stoney bed,” “hurting like fire,” “can we get on the same page here?” After laughing we can think about what does this phrase REALLY mean? Apples to Apples is a game that makes you look at how unidentical terms could be somewhat the same, even though not exactly so.

More importantly you can ask kids to make inferences based on nonverbal clues as to what a person’s plan might be. For instance, if two people are talking, standing close to one another, and a third person approaches and stands closely watching them but not speaking, what is the silent person’s intention? That’s right, they want to say or ask something, they are using their body position to give the speaking people awareness that they want something from them without verbally interrupting. You can watch for these teachable moments while at home or in the community, and you can use cartoons as well, pausing on a character before they speak or do something, and asking the child to use the clues to guess what the character is thinking or feeling.
Getting someone with a literal thinking style to make guesses can be tough because many of these folks do not like gray areas- and you can’t REALLY know what someone is thinking or planning but you are expected to make a guess or ask if you are not sure. Socializing is really based on a lot of guesswork, much of which you can’t be completely sure of. Most of us do it automatically without thinking about it, but without this guesswork and scaffolding of assumptions, we really can’t socialize effectively at all. You have to be willing and able to watch people and make guesses about their thoughts, feelings, and intentions.
You are a Social Detective is a good book to teach younger children- from developmental age of about 4-8 years- how to use what they see and hear to do what is expected and how doing what is unexpected can impact how others feel about them in a negative way.

I also teach kids to defer, which means to allow other people to think they are right even when you think they are wrong- just let it go and don’t continue to insist or argue. Sometimes it’s better to allow someone to think they are right even though you don’t agree so the play or conversation can move forward.
Getting someone who is not in the habit of thinking about how others are thinking about them and modifying their behavior to keep others having good thoughts about them will often take many, many repeated trials. Using behavior modification techniques to increase motivation will help too. (How would this look? Please see my video Behavior Management at it’s Best, and take some valuable concepts and techniques that can help you every day).
For greater grasp of deception I like to give kids in my groups some real money and teach them to play poker. I explain bluffing, ways to recognize a bluff and how to manage your nonverbal communication to make a bluff, and I explain that people out there in the world will try to deceive you to get your money. There are also some games you can play with them, such as Fib or Not and Fact or Crap. In Fib or Not the kids have to either tell a story that is true but try to convince their playmates the story is a lie, or they have to tell a story that is a lie but convince playmates it is true.

Video Preview: https://vimeo.com/user15018735/review/130643900/c1e53d2f16

More info from the National Institute of Mental Health http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/autism-listing.shtml

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There’s a problem inherent in counseling people about their problems. The risk is that we are modeling and training to notice and focus on failures and problems. As soon as one gets better another is chosen or created. One way to overcome this risk is to be solution focused. In solution focused brief therapy the person is not the problem they are bothered by the problem and the person who discusses the problem. We make subtle but important shifts as counselors when we meet with our clients, asking when they were not bothered by the problem, how will they know, or what will they seem themselves doing differently when the problem is getting better, and discussing what they are doing right and successes.

Here is how we can use language to facilitate people taking action to meet goals:

People have resources to solve their own problems. “Wow- how did you do that?” “Who else noticed you?” “When this problem is not happening, what will you see yourself doing?”
Change is inevitable. Focus the conversation on how things will be different rather than on how things are the same. “What is different about the times when you get your work done and stay in class?” “How did you help them not have the problem?” How are you keeping things from getting worse?”
Your job is to call out and expand the changes. Find what is working, when the problem is not happening, call it out as important and valuable.

“What have you done that went well or wasn’t a problem?” “Remember how you were this time last year? Can you see how different you are now, the progress you have made?” “If you keep going at this rate, I wonder what you will be doing 6 months from now?”
History and thorough analysis of the problem is not necessary. “Can you remember a time when this problem was not bothering you? How can you make that happen again?”
Why the problem happened is not necessary. If you are working with kids whose executive functions, especially metacognition, are delayed, they don’t know what they did let alone why, ditto for the memory of all people for events that occurred while they were very upset. “How much of the day were you not angry today?” “How do you limit the number of times you blurt out without being called on?”
Small changes can lead to bigger global changes. Optimism, confidence, and motivation can help a person overcome all kinds of obstacles. Trust me, I’ve seen miracle shifts in demeanor, behavior, and family systems happen in days after years of suffering. “What has happened since last time that you would like to continue?” How do you keep yourself from ________ so much of the time?” “What other areas have you noticed good things you have done?”
Even if they are a kid, and have IEP goals, let them define some of their own goals. If you as a therapist and your client have not agreed on explicit and clearly stated goals, you may have no therapeutic alliance. You are not on the same team. What would you like to see happening in your life as a result of us working together?” What is the problem that most bothers you that you would like help with first?” “Would you be okay with learning how to use your smart brain in even smarter ways and feeling the way you want to more often?”
Big changes fast are possible. Only problems are hard. Solutions can be easy. Once you know the solution, you say, “Oh, of course!” “What will you be doing when this problem no longer bothers you at all?” “Who would you have to be if you gave up this (thought, feeling, behavior)?” “On a scale from 1-10, how confident do you feel that you will be able to do better this week now?” If they give an encouraging number, say, “That feels good, right?” while you nod your head, trying to get them to mirror your nod, and when they say yes, keep nodding and say “Really good.”

“How much progress do you think you have made, on a scale from 1-10? How will you keep that going?” “How worry did you feel, from 1-10, when we first started? How about now? And if you were to move up just a point or two on that scale, what would you see yourself doing differently, or how would you know?” (In my private practice, when I first started, I had a number of folks who only came in once.

I was worried about this, and wanted to find out what I was doing wrong, so I sent out surveys after my second year of practice to about 600 families. I asked them to rate their experience and improvement with questions and 1-5 scales- Likert scales, and let them include notes on the back, gave them a stamped envelope to send it back in. I got 462 back, and man, was I gritting my teeth to hear the criticism. There was no criticism, in fact, quite the opposite- and many people said they got the changes they were looking for from meeting one time. How about that?)
There is no one right way to think about things. We are in no position to judge how hard things are for someone else or what their experience might be like. We borrow a trick from the consultation model by not minimizing or contradicting a clients’ report of how severe things are. “How do you know the difference between hatred and annoyance?” “What is the difference between depression and feeling a little down?” “When you have a panic attack, what happens?”
We do not focus on what we cannot change. “We can’t control the person who is “making you” mad, we can’t make school go away.” What you can influence and manage is how you think and feel, and how bothered you become about the things you can’t change. Nobody can make you do anything without your permission and cooperation. “How do you do well with other people or in other settings, and how can you use those strategies in this situation?”

If it works don’t fix it. If everything you are trying is not working, do something completely different. Keep it simple. Approach each session as if it were your last and only. Failure is a success at ruling out what doesn’t work.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solution_focused_brief_therapy

Sources
Berg, I. K. (1994). Family Based Services: A Solution-focused Approach. New York:Norton.
Bonnington, S. B. (1993). Soution-focused brief therapy: Helpful interventions for school counselors. School Counselor, 41, 126-128.
Metcalf, L. (1995). Counseling Toward Solutions: A practical solution-focused program for working with students, teachers, and parents. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Center for Applied Research in Education.

Dream Book

This is a beautiful way for a student to establish a sense of purpose and start planting the seeds of what they want to grow in the garden of their mind (Please also read “Garden of the Mind).

Ideally, a dream book will be a special and leather-bound book so it will last, even and especially when it’s owner falls asleep with it in bed.

The Dream Book’s user should be instructed as follows:

1.) On each page, as you think of one, write a dream you have for yourself.

2.) Go to Google Images, or other source of images, such as your own photos, or even better you can create your own symbol or drawing to represent each of the dreams written in your dreambook and tape or paste it into the page with your written description.

3.) At night right before you go to sleep, review your dreams, and try to take a few moments as you arise in the morning to see yourself living the dreams you want.

Rationale:
1.) Writing your goals and focusing on a specific image of the goal helps you be clear and specific about your vision and intention,

2.) Regular dream review helps you stay focused and encourages accountability,
in addition to replacing negative and discouraging thoughts that can be obstacles

Focusing your conscious attention on what you want to create rather than your fears and what you are afraid might happen helps you harness that 95% of mental activity that we are not aware of and put it to work for us. We remember best what we studied right before we went to sleep and as we walk through daily life we can prime ourselves to notice opportunities to realize our dreams and evidence that they are already true or are in the process of becoming true.

Try this yourself for a week and send me an email to tell me what you notice. I think you will be amazed at how quickly your experience and perspective can change.

My Dreambook has all kinds of dreams in it- from materialism and vanity to goals of lofty nobility. For example, the first image and dream I put in my book was a 2014 Mustang that was lowered and had staggered wheels. That image is on the left, and within a few months, the one on the right is mine, and it’s way cooler than the one I imagined! I also have goals to be a great and loving husband, and
“I am
successful helping thousands heal.”

Check out the book, Your Dream Book, here on my site. Not only is it inspirational and motivating, it is a beautiful work of art.

Sign up for the free mini-course; get more resources, videos, and instruction: click here.

http://www2.nami.org/content/navigationmenu/hearts_and_minds/resources195/mygoalsworksheet.pdf

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(scroll down the page for the related service counseling IEP goals menu)

Update: Telemedicine virtual online counseling now available here: https://www.bradmasoncounselor.com/

Coronavirus Kid Care Kit detailing how to reassure kids in crisis by age group, structuring their day, menu of offline at-home activities, and managing technology use. Children with special needs and behavior problems stuck at home without structure can push their parents to the edge. Send them this free resource.

Counseling Services
IDEA defines related service counseling as follows:
(2) Counseling services means services provided by qualified social workers, psychologists, guidance counselors, or other qualified personnel. [§300.34(c)(2)]
According to the American School Counselor Association (2007), counseling services are intended to help all children in the areas of academic achievement, personal/social development and career development. This can include helping children with personal and social concerns such as developing self-knowledge, making effective decisions, learning health choices, and improving responsibility. Counselors may also help children with future planning related to setting and reaching academic goals, developing a positive attitude toward learning, and recognizing and utilizing academic strengths.
Note that IDEA’s list of related services includes other counseling services—parent counseling and training; and rehabilitation counseling (that is, counseling specific to career development and employment preparation). These are defined separately in IDEA and are clearly different from counseling services (which are also not to be confused with psychological services).

§300.34  Related services.
(a) General. Related services means transportation and such developmental, corrective, and other supportive services as are required to assist a child with a disability to benefit from special education, and includes….
This beginning represents the core of how IDEA defines related services. The term related services is typically spoken in the same breath as special education (similar to how “peas and carrots” and “ham and eggs” go together) and, when used in IDEA, will always have the same meaning, including the part of the definition we haven’t shown you yet, which picks up where the beginning leaves off…
…and includes speech-language pathology and audiology services, interpreting services, psychological services, physical and occupational therapy, recreation, including therapeutic recreation, early identification and assessment of disabilities in children, counseling services, including rehabilitation counseling, orientation and mobility services, and medical services for diagnostic or evaluation purposes. Related services also include school health services and school nurse services, social work services in schools, and parent counseling and training.
Clearly, the list of related services is extensive–and, as already mentioned, the list is not exhaustive. These are just the services that IDEA specifically mentions. As states respond to the requirements of federal law,
– See more at: http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/relsvcs.faqs.htm#sthash.GpWU1BUV.dpuf

Parent Counseling and Training
Parent counseling and training is an important related service that can help parents enhance the vital role they play in the lives of their children. Its definition is found at §300.34(c)(8) and reads:
(8)(i) Parent counseling and training means assisting parents in understanding the special needs of their child;
(ii) Providing parents with information about child development; and
(iii) Helping parents to acquire the necessary skills that will allow them to support the implementation of their child’s IEP or IFSP.
The first two parts of this definition are longstanding in IDEA. The last part—regarding helping parents acquire the necessary skills that will allow them to support the implementation of their child’s IEP or IFSP—was added in IDEA ’97 “to recognize the more active role of parents as participants in the education of their children” (71 Fed. Reg. at 46573) and is retained in IDEA 2004. As with all related services, parent counseling and training would only be provided to parents “if  a child’s IEP team determines that it is necessary for the child to receive FAPE” (Id.).

IEP Behavioral and Counseling IEP Goals Menu

Aggression

_________ will demonstrate being mad the right way ___% of observed trials.

_________ will use appropriate strategies to calm themselves with prompts ___% of observed trials.

_________ will allow themselves to be mad or frustrated without hurting 90% of observed opportunities.

_________ will refrain from physical aggression (i.e. kicking, hitting, pushing, tripping) across all environments in school, for 4 consecutive weeks, with all adults and children as measured by event data.

_________ will refrain from aggression (i.e. hitting, kicking, pushing) 100% of the day, across all environments, with all adults and children as measured by special education event data, over 8 consecutive weeks.
Class Participation

_______ will demonstrate raising her hand to participate in whole class and/or small group instruction, 80% of the time in 5 out of 5 intervals, as measured by teacher observations.

_______ will respond when called upon 80% of observed trials.

Coping Skills/ Emotional Regulation/ Self-Regulation

In the classroom environment, ______ will utilize positive self-talk and coping strategies to handle stressful situations or work demands in which he/she manifests anxious or withdrawn behavior (i.e. putting head down, saying he/she can’t do something), demonstrated by engaging in the 30 minute activity or situation in a calm and positive manner with one prompt on 2/3 occasions.

In counseling sessions, _______ will accurately identify feelings and appropriate coping strategies when presented with real or imagined situations with 80% accuracy on 4 out of 5 trials.

When _____ becomes upset, frustrated, or angry, he will use a self-regulation/coping strategy (movement break, deep breathing, quiet space break, deep pressure/heavy work activity, etc.) to avoid engaging in an unexpected behavior, with one reminder, on 4 out of 5 opportunities, as measured by observations and documentation.
__________ will improve his self-regulation skills as demonstrated through utilizing a tool (e.g. inner coach, sensory support, calming break) to aid in regulating to an expected emotional state (e.g. green zone – which is when we feel calm, happy, content, and focused) with one adult reminder on 8 out of 10 instances in a small group setting, as measured over two week period

______ will improve insight on regulation as demonstrated by identifying the instances where he/she could have benefited from utilizing a tool to aid in regulation and determine what tool would have been beneficial for each instance with 80% accuracy.

When presented with a problem (non-preferred task, frustrating situation, criticism/correction), ______ will accurately determine the size of the problem (big problem, little problem) and determine the appropriate emotional response (take a break, talk with teacher, take a deep breath, replace frustration with good thoughts, etc.) and return to task at hand in 4 out of 5 trials as measured by teacher charted data.

When given a frustrating situation (i.e. undesired task, demand, and/or undesired peer behavior), with one prompt ________ will utilize coping strategies (i.e. take a break, deep breaths, etc.) and return to and remain on task with a calm body and mind for a minimum of 10 minutes with an average of 95% over 8 consecutive school weeks, across all classroom environments.

When presented with a situation known by ______ to be anxiety or frustration producing for him (i.e. non-prefered task, unexpected obstacle such as ______, tasks perceived as too difficult, unfamiliar adult, and non-preferred adult), he will independently demonstrate an appropriate emotional response through finding a solution to his problem or using a strategy to regulate back to an expected emotional state (take a break, talk with teacher, etc.) and return to task at hand within 2 minutes, for an average of 80% of instances both throughout all environments and within each environment.

Self-Monitoring

_______ will demonstrate the ability to recognize expected and unexpected behaviors as well as rate his own behavior as part of his self-monitoring system with 80% accuracy as compared to teacher ratings of behavior.

______ will demonstrate the ability to accurately recognize her level of anxiety through the use of a visual self-rating system (e.g. feelings thermometer) with 80% accuracy, as compared to teacher observations and data.

Self -Control

_______ will show self-control of his/her body and voice (good personal space, keeping hands/arms/legs  near body, and appropriate voice level) in relation to the expected levels of the classroom and peers around him for 80% of a 20 minute period.

________ will demonstrate self-control in the classroom through raising his/her hand and waiting to be called on by the teacher when he/she has a question in class, with 80% accuracy in 5 out of 5 trials, as measured by teacher observation and data collection.

IEP Goals for Anxiety

(blue underlined text indicates clickable downloadable documents for you to use   in counseling sessions)

In counseling sessions, _____ will accurately identify situations that can be anxiety producing and appropriate coping strategies or relaxation techniques when presented with real or imagined situations with 80% accuracy on 4 out of 5 trials.

______ will demonstrate the ability to accurately recognize her level of anxiety through the use of a visual self-rating system (e.g. Stressometer, 1-5 scale) with 80% accuracy, as compared to teacher observations and data.

During counseling sessions, __________ will use menus and highlight their Stress Triggers, personal Stress signs, and Stress Management Strategies that they believe they could utilize successfully.

In counseling sessions for anxiety, __________ will demonstrate understanding of the cognitive-behavioral model by completing and reviewing the Rational vs Irrational Thoughts Practice excercise,  Thinking Errors, Thinking Errors Practice, and Thought Record for specific anxious episodes with 80% accuracy.

________ will transition when prompted by teachers 80% of trials by interacting with their visual Activity Schedules.

On-Task/ Work Completion

When given a task or direction ______ will begin the task within 1 minute and remain on task for a minimum of 10 minutes independently with no more than 2 prompts on 8 out of 10 independent tasks, as measured by staff data.

Given a maximum of one verbal cue, _______ will attend to a non-preferred, small-group activity and/or independent assignment, without protest, and remain on task with no task avoidance (bathroom, getting a jacket, tying shoes, sharpening pencil, etc.) for 20 minutes, in 3 out of 4 trials, as measured by observations and staff documentation.

_______ will demonstrate on task-behavior in the general education setting for 75% of intervals during a 10 minute period, with the use of an appropriate fidget and one adult reminder, in 4/5 trials, as measured by observation and data.

________ will attend (sit still, eyes on teacher, hands to self, quiet voice) to a task during large and small group instruction across settings for a 10 minute period with no more then 1 teacher prompt in 4 out of 5 trials as measured by teacher charted data.

With movement breaks and the use of self-regulation strategies, _____ will demonstrate the ability to attend to a task for an average 75% of intervals in a 20 minute class period.

With the use of taught self-regulation strategies and self-monitoring checklists, ______ will independently begin a task (including non-preferred tasks) within 2 minutes of direction for an average of 80% of opportunities, across environments.

With the use of taught self-regulation strategies and self-monitoring checklists, once ______ has began an independent task, he will then remain focused on the task for at least 10 minutes, free from adult prompts, for an average of 80% of opportunities, across environments.

When given an assigned task, ____ will independently complete an assignment/task, and ask for assistance, if needed, with 80% accuracy in 5 out of 5 consecutive trials, in a small group setting, as measured by teacher-charted observations.

When given a non-preferred task paired with the use of self-regulation strategies and rewards systems, ______ will begin the task within 1 minute, and complete the appropriately modified version of the task within a predesignated appropriate amount of time (with use of timer) on 8 out of 10 opportunities, as measured by staff data.

In counseling sessions, _____ will accurately identify situations that can be anxiety producing and appropriate coping strategies or relaxation techniques when presented with real or imagined situations with 80% accuracy on 4 out of 5 trials.

______ will demonstrate the ability to accurately recognize her level of anxiety through the use of a visual self-rating system (e.g. feelings thermometer) with 80% accuracy, as compared to teacher observations and data.

Negative Comments and Gestures

With the use of Cognitive Behavioral Intervention (strategy of learning to regulate thoughts and beliefs in counseling paired with daily reinforcement as tools are utilized), _____ will reduce instances of negative comments and gestures to an average of 1 instance per hour, across all classroom settings, as measured over 6 trial days.

Please let me know if you have ideas about how to improve this counseling IEP goals menu.

Non-Compliance/ Following Directions

When given a frustrating situation (i.e. non-preferred task, not being able to choose preferred activity such as computers, etc) _______ will engage in no more than 20 minutes of non-compliance over a week period as measured through time sampling data.

Given a three step functional direction from an adult, _____ will complete all three steps with a maximum of 1 additional prompt in 4 out of 5 trials as measured by teacher observation and data.

Through the use of Self-Monitoring checklists, _______ will reduce instances of Passive Non-Compliance (becomes purposely and increasingly distracted through ignoring tasks, demands, or staff directives) to an average of 20% of intervals or less, both across all educational environments and within each educational environment, as measured across a one week period.

During a 20 minute academic task, ____ will respond to staff directives in an expected manner within 1 minute and with one reminder on 4 out of 5 trials, as measured by teacher observation and data.

Peer Interactions/ Social Skills

During unstructured play times, ______ will interact with peers in an appropriate manner through maintaining personal space and a respectful voice for an average 80% of intervals, measured over a 2 week period

_______ will decrease inappropriate verbal comments (such as “you are weird” or “you are a loser”) to 1 time per week or less by responding appropriately when his/her feelings are hurt (use words, talk to a teacher, walk away, stay calm) and seeking attention in appropriate ways (asking a friend to play, initiating conversation, giving a compliment) in 4 out of 5 trials as measured by teacher charted data.

During unstructured play (recess, choice time), _______will play (participate, share, follow directions/rules, take turns) with 1-2 peers for 10 minutes with no more then 1 adult prompt in 4 out of 5 opportunities as measured by teacher/staff data and observation.

Social/Emotional Problem Solving

When given scenarios of social conflicts, ______ will demonstrate problem solving skills by identifying the problem and generating two solutions appropriate to the situation in 4/5 trials, as measured by data collection.

Organization of Materials

_____ will organize his/her materials in a binder or folder and will bring assignments to and from school with 80% accuracy as measured by binder/agenda checks and teacher records.

_______ will organize his/her materials in a binder or folder and will bring assignments to and from school with 80% accuracy as measured by binder/agenda checks and teacher records.

Given helpful organizational strategies, _____ will present with organized school materials (folders, books, assignments, supplies) in his desk 3/4 times, 3 weeks in a row, as measured by review of his student planner, timely completion of assignments, and teacher report.

_______ will independently perform the task of writing his HW legibly in his planner and compile needed assignments in his binder with 80% accuracy in 5 out of 5 consecutive trials as measured by teacher-charted observations/ planner checks.

Want more? Check out my book Counseling Tools for Kids in Schools here.

Also find tons more free resources and mini courses for managing behavior and teaching kids self-control here.

Or, book me for a workshop! https://www.bradmasoncounselor.com/workshops/

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I hope you like this counseling IEP goals menu. Please let me know if you see ways to make it better or if you have more counseling IEP goals to add to this menu.

Classroom goal bank

Writing meaningful and measureable emotional/behavioral IEP goals

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Your thoughts are so powerful they create your reality. Where do your feelings come from? What happens, or how you think about what happens? For example, it could start raining, and I could think, “Oh no- this is going to ruin everything, I’m supposed to go fishing!” I could be really mad about the rain, and stay mad about it all day. Or, I could think, “Awesome! I’m so glad it’s raining! I hope it rains all day, then my grass won’t need to be watered, and maybe the river will fill up so I can go canoeing!” I could be happy about the rain all day. So it’s the same event- the rain- and depending on how I think about it, I could be either happy or mad. There’s where your choice and power lie.

Many people have difficulty stepping outside of their thoughts to think about what they are thinking about or doing. This is a vital thinking skill called metacognition. How do you edit your thoughts, inhibit impulses, or recognize your behavior does not fit in the context if you don’t think about what you are thinking or doing? Some people think in pictures and don’t use self-talk at all, which makes it hard to question, correct, and guide yourself. Emotional control and behavior control aren’t there. This is why teaching self-talk is so important. Then you can make a thought, and think about it. Is this true, correct, accurate? You don’t have to believe all your thoughts. You are not your thoughts, you are the observer of your thoughts, because you can notice a thought that isn’t right or feels bad, and make a better thought.

Sometimes I explain daydreaming to people, and make sure they understand the concept, and then ask them, “Do you ever daydream?” and they say, “No.” When asked what they are or were thinking, they will say, “I don’t know,” or “Nothing.”

We use the term “train of thought” to describe our stream of consciousness. I like to ask, “Where are you on your thought train? Are you on the caboose, just along for the ride, a victim of your thoughts? Would you rather be on the caboose as a passenger, or up in the engine as the conductor or engineer, driving the train, slowing down by putting on the brakes or speeding up, switching tracks when you don’t like where you’re going?”

Your brain makes thoughts all the time. Many of these thoughts are just garbage. They can be wrong, repeated unnecessarily, they can be worry thoughts about the future or angry thoughts about past regrets. What would happen if you tried to drive by watching the rear-view mirror?

And if you are staying upset about past events, well, I like to tell this story. You’ve seen that image of Santa Claus with his big bag of toys over his shoulder, right? What if someone had a bag like that, and everywhere they went, when they found dog poop on the ground, they scooped it into the bag. Then they said, “Man, I hate this stuff. It’s heavy and it stinks.

What would you tell this person? And if you are worrying about something bad happening in the future, isn’t that like living as if the bad event were true now, and living with the fear all the way from now until the future moment when the bad thing may or may not happen? Why would you want to do that?

Make a list of all your worries and fears on one side of a page, and on the other, write down what those worries ever did for you. Nothing, right? You see, your body doesn’t know the difference between what you think, what you imagine, what you dream, and what’s real.

Have you ever had that dream where you are falling or someone is trying to get you, and you wake up, and your heart is beating really fast and you feel scared for a few minutes until you tell yourself, it’s alright, it was just a dream, I’m okay?

See, all of what happens in your mind is real for your body, and while you don’t have complete control over your thoughts, you can decide which ones to believe and you can make new, better things to think or think about. You can practice thought replacement, or thought stopping. You can say to your thoughts, inside your head, “That’s nonsense, I don’t believe you.”

Another strategy for feeling better is called “mindfulness.” This means to try and focus all your awareness on the present moment. What do you hear? Try to hear at least three different sounds. What do you feel? Try to notice at least three different sensations. What do you see? Here’s the thing. The past isn’t real, it’s gone, it’s not now.

The future isn’t real, either, it’s not here, we can’t know what it will be. The only thing that is real is right now, the present. This is all we really have, the only place we exist. We don’t exist in the past or the future. Right now, what do you have to be grateful for? Make a list of what you like about yourself.

Maybe you have a healthy body, all your arms and legs, everything may work the way it’s supposed to. Maybe you are a good artist, friendly, funny, creative, good at Math, and so on. Do you have people in your life who love and care for you, a home with a roof that doesn’t leak, air conditioning for the summer to keep you cool, a bed to sleep in, food to eat? This is called gratitude.

Make this a list you can look at as school starts, write it on your mirror with a dry erase marker, review it before you go to sleep. Stay focused on what is good and right. One more thing about the present. The present is eternal, it always is. You have always been in the present moment and always will be. And in this present moment, you have everything you need. If you don’t have it and you are still here, you must not really need it. You always have had and will have everything you need, as long as you are here, it can’t be any other way. Mind bending, right?

Make a dream book, use the form I created called “garden of the mind.” Start planting your mindgarden, growing what you want and pulling the weeds of negative thoughts.

Next I want you to start using the “Thought Record” every day to record the thoughts you have either right before or during a time you are upset or stressed. Bring your “Thought Record” sheets back to me so we can look at them and make sure you are learning how to notice and correct your thoughts. This way, you are learning to use your smart brain in even smarter ways. Because if your brain makes thoughts that are inaccurate, not true, or feel bad, and you can make new thoughts that are more accurate, you are becoming smarter and able to feel better more often. Would you be okay with being smarter and feeling better?

Read the above passage and then the items below, and see if you or the person you are working with can identify the category of thinking error from the Thinking Errors sheet (find this in the free resources page on my website www.intensivecareforyou.com). Then try generating a smarter or better feeling way to think- make a better thought.

1. Sam raises his hand in class, and the teacher calls on someone else. Sam thinks, “My teacher doesn’t care about me.”
2. Beth has trouble figuring out the answer to the first problem on her Math test. She thinks, “I can’t do anything right. I’m terrible at Math!”
3. Steve wakes up and doesn’t feel all that great. He thinks, “If I have to go to school today, I’ll die!”
4. Peter’s Mom is running late to pick him up from school. He thinks, “Oh my God, she must have had an accident and gotten killed!”
5. Mary realizes there is a small hole in her shirt sleeve. She thinks, “Oh no, everyone is going to think I’m a slob!”
6. Matt asks if he can join a group in a game at recess, and they tell him no. Matt thinks, “Nobody ever wants to play with me. The kids at this school are all mean.”
7. Leo sees someone cut into the lunch line up in front of him. He yells at the other student, goes up to him and pushes him when he doesn’t respond, and here comes the principal, who tells him to stop and go back to his place in line. Leo argues with the principal, refuses to go back in line, and ends up going to the office. He thinks, “That’s not fair. I always follow the rules, and that kid needs to learn his lesson. I’m going to get him back tomorrow.”
8. Leah’s counselor asks her to try asking some classmates if she can sit with them at lunch. Leah says, “I can’t.”
9. Tanya kicks a girl for telling her she’s stupid. Tanya tells her teacher, “It’s not my fault, she called me stupid!” When Tanya goes home she pushes her little brother and tells her parents she can’t help it, because the kids at school were mean to her and her teacher isn’t fair.
10. Bart says that the best player in the NBA ever was Michael Jordan. Kevin disagrees and says it’s Magic Johnson. Bart argues, and keeps insisting he’s right after the teacher tells him to be quiet.
11. Karen is at home and her parents are arguing. Karen thinks, “I must have done something really bad.”
12. Mike goes home and his mother tells him to take out the trash. Mike thinks, “I hate taking out the trash. My life sucks.”
13. Alex has been good in school all year and made almost all A’s. He tries out for the school play and doesn’t get the part. “That’s not fair. The kid who got picked isn’t even as good a student as me. I never get what I deserve.”
14. Barbara asks Kara over to play after school. Kara says, “I can’t, I have a lot of homework. Barbara thinks, “Kara’s just being mean and doesn’t like me.” Barbara tells Kara, “Fine, see if I ever ask you over again.”
15. Nelson is playing baseball and he strikes out. He throws the bat and marches off the field saying “I’m never playing this game again. I never get a hit.”
16. Mason works really hard on a writing assignment, and Mr. Nelson gives him a B. Mason crumples up the paper and throws it in the trash. He tells Mr. Nelson, “That’s not fair, I did everything right, you should have given me an A.

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavioral-therapy/basics/definition/prc-20013594

The post Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: Mind and Mood Control appeared first on Intensive Care for You.

Video preview of group in action; video link.

Goals for early elementary social skills groups ages 4-8

Treatment Goals

Social Skills Ages 4-8 Video Resources

Gutstein, S. (2002).Relationship Development Intervention with Young Children. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.<Filled with ideas to help energetic youngsters learn to value social play>

Howlin, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Hadwin, J. (2002). Teaching Children with Autism to Mind-Read. West Sussex, England: John Wiley & Sons Ltd.<Use this to help kids with weak TOM develop ability to interpret and predict other’s emotions, desires, and plans based on context and what they know about what the person thinks>

Madrigal, S., Winner, M. (2008) Superflex… A Superhero Social Thinking Curriculum. San Jose, CA: Think Social Publishing, Inc.<This is the best, you have to get it if you have a kid or a class that doesn’t do what is expected and gets stuck on what they want>

Walker, H., McConnel, S., Holmes, D., Todis, B., Walker, J., and N. Golden. (1983) The Walker Social Skills Program. Austin, TX: Pro-Ed.<One of the few programs out there with empirical support, involves video, role-play, and behavioral coaching/management of skills taught outside of the social skills teaching place>

Winner, M. (2002). Thinking About You Thinking About Me. San Jose, California:  Michelle Garcia-Winner, SLP www.socialthinking.com <Heavy reading but will help you understand how these kids think>

Winner, M. (2005). Worksheets! For Teaching Social Thinking and Related Skills. San Jose, California: Michelle Garcia Winner, SLP <Great especially if you have lots of skills to teach all school year long>

Winner, M. (2005). Think Social. San Jose, California: Michelle Garcia Winner, SLP <Great especially if you have lots of skills to teach all school year long>

Winner, M. (2008). A Politically Incorrect Look at Evidence-based practices and Teaching Social Skills. San Jose, CA: Think Social Publishing, Inc. <If you want to get into the arguments about if it’s appropriate to use educational resources to teach social skills and explore if teaching social skills can work, this is for you>

Winner, M. (2008) You Are A Social Detective. San Jose, CA: Think Social Publishing, Inc.<A must for younger children who don’t understand about keeping their bodies and minds in the group>

Social Group Participation and Health Links

Jetten, J., Haslam, C., Haslam, S., and Nyla Branscombe (2009) Scientific American Mind. Sept/Oct 2009 20(5). Scientific American, Inc. pp. 26-33. <Turns out withdrawal is not good for your health and being in groups is>

Putnam, R.. (2000). Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. Simon & Schuster.

Cognitive-Behavioral Strategies for Higher Functioning People with Social Learning Disabilities and Self-Regulation Problems

Attwood, T. (2004) Exploring Feelings.  Future Horizons, Inc., Arlington, Texas.

Attwood, T. (2008). The CAT-Kit. Future Horizons, Arlington, Texas.

Avery, R. (2008) Meet Thotso, Your Thought Maker. Smart Thot, LLC.

Buron, K. D., & Curtis, M. (2003) The Incredible 1-5 Scale. Shawnee Mission, KS: Autism Asperger Publishing Company.

Buron, K. D.  A “5” Could Make Me Lose Control! Autism Asperger Publishing Company, Shawnee Mission, KS. https://www.aapcautismbooks.com/

Gray, C. (1994) Comic Strip Conversations. Future Horizons Publishers: Arlington, Texas www.futurehorizons.com

Games

Gameskidsplay.net <Hundreds outdoor games to build fluency, speed, and processing>

Hullabalu (4-up) Cranium, Inc. <Fun, lots of movement, listening skills, game runs itself so maybe you can take a break, and the kids like it>

Too Much, Too Little, Just Right (5-12) Creative Therapy Store <has charades and helps kids use and interpret the right degree of volume or expression>

Cranium Conga (8-up) Hasbro <Better if they can read, but a great “guess what I’m thinking” game>

Kid Cranium SpongeBob (7-up) Hasbro

Any Charade Game

See my website www.bradmasoncounselor.com for a free list and description of the games we played in the video.

Games

You In The Box- Have kids take turns putting interlocking mats together to put one child in a box while the other works to make it fun. As they are putting the box together, tell them that you will pretend you don’t know where the child in the box could have gone- “Where’s Sean?” And then sometime, we don’t know when, Sean will burst out of the box and we will all scream in surprise. This is exciting for kids and then you reverse roles, this teaches willing suspension of disbelief that is required for pretend play and taking turns at working to make it fun for your friend.

Red Light, Green Light- listening and following directions from peers, introduce off colors like purple for fun to try and “trick” players into false starts.

Happy Means Yes, Sad Means No- Can be adult and child or two children. The coach hides a prize within a small, defined area. The finder enters and is instructed to watch the coaches eyes and face. The coach looks at where the object is hidden and smiles when the child is “warmer,” frowns when “colder,” or moving away.

Monster- take turns being the monster. Creep around and make horrible yells or growls when you see someone else. They scream and shriek in mock terror, running away. Add several masks you can change out for surprises. This can be fun with a tent, the monster can be in or out of the tent and roaming around the windows or opening, peering in with the monster face mask.

Mother May I- take turns being the mother, or father, add a twist to this traditional game- the mother or father smiles when they can go, and frowns when they stop. Teaches appropriate use and attention to affect.

Parachute- Use a blanket or tablecloth, put a soft object in the middle, and have each person grab a corner or side, count to 3 and pull back to make the object- ball or stuffed animal, fly in the air. This teaches working together and coordinating action for fun and excitement

Architect-Builder- the architect, without words, shows the builder which blocks to put where. The architect may not touch the blocks. The builder moves the blocks and watches the architect. Build it up high, then count to three and knock it down. A variation is just to build blocks up together and take turns knocking them down. Teaches how to use and watch for nonverbal indicators, share control, follow instructions from peers.

Bubble Pop- Take turns blowing bubbles while the partner(s) see how many they can pop

More Games!

Monster-Monster- two or more kids huddle in a designated spot 20ft from a tree or bush or chair the child who is “it” can hide behind. The huddled children say in unison “monster, monster, don’t come get us!” This cues the “monster” to come running and growling to eat the huddled “victims,” who shriek and say “monster, monster, go back to your mountain.” This makes the monster have to go back and hide until summoned again, then he tries to be scary and run and grab away a child to take back to his mountain before they can tell him to go back to his mountain. This game is especially exciting, teaches that not all language can be taken literally, and to distinguish between mock threatening pretend behavior that is just for fun and when someone is really mad. It also creates a strong sense or bond of togetherness for the children being “attacked.” Give everyone a chance to be the monster, including the adult. Be ready the kids will improvise and a monster may ignore a command and attempt to steal a child anyway, which is unexpected and surprising but fun and promotes spontaneity and flexibility.

Crash Cars- sit the children or child and adult very close and give them balls or cars. Show them how to move their cars or balls towards one another on each count of 1-2-3, releasing on 3 to try and make them collide. Add variation and challenge by adding new objects and increasing their distance. This helps them watch each other, synchronize movement, and share excitement.

Category Tag- One person is “it” and picks an item for the others to guess. He gives a clue by naming the category of the object- a car, clothing item, kind of food, etc. The other children face “it” with their backs to something like a small building they can run around. When someone guesses right, “it” says yes, and everybody runs like crazy around the building. It’s really fun when players go in opposite directions and surprise each other as they pass on the backside of the building, this makes them yell and laugh. The first person back to touch the wall where they started is the next “it.” This helps kids think about categories and big picture not just details, gets them willing to make guesses when they don’t know the right answer and tolerate being wrong, helps them think about others thinking by picking items that are not too obscure to guess but not too easy, either. You can coach them to offer clues or ask for them, and ask them what is happening when the other kids start to look frustrated, so they can read the nonverbal cues and adjust by offering clues before the other kids give up and disengage.

Pie tag- Make bases like a baseball diamond. Have a spot designated for “it” to stand where they can’t hear the others whispering. Those not it each pick a kind of pie, and whisper it to the others without “it” hearing. It then begins naming kinds of pie and when they get one right, the child who picked that flavor runs like crazy around the bases, with “it” in hot pursuit. If caught you have a new it, if not, it keeps trying with the others remaining. Ask the kids why they think they are supposed to whisper their pie flavor to the others, see if they can guess the cheating prevention and if they can guess about and maintain the right volume of whisper so “it” can’t hear.

Hide ‘n’ Seek- reinforces thinking about others when you can’t see them, knowing you need to be quiet and wait to go hide until the “it” covers their eyes, exciting build of anticipation.

All these games require and encourage thinking about your play partner(s), looking at them, watching there face for expression and where the eyes are looking, synchronizing your activity with someone else, fast action and multiple simultaneous levels of attention, and having fun being successful at play with others. Chase and peekaboo variations can be fun with younger children, as well as sensory play with turn-taking.

The post Social Skills appeared first on Intensive Care for You.

Do you have a kid who seems lost in his video games? Do they sneak them when they are not supposed to, find loopholes in digital media management filtering programs, and fight with you over turning them off? Are they spending tons of time immersed in a digital reality, and avoiding homework and socialization? These are your signs! Video game addiction!
The problem is that the video games begin to be valued over parental approval and relationships. Socialization and homework are seen as interruptions and avoided. Your child may be daydreaming about video games in school instead of receiving instruction and acting out video games on the playground. How will they learn the skills and rewards of the real world if they aren’t participating?

Are All Their Friends Doing It?

Your child may argue that all their friends are doing it, that they can’t talk to their friends if they don’t join in online games. You may feel uneasy about the time they spend in games, watching games on youtube, and thinking about games. You may be unsure about where to set the boundary and what is reasonable.

Is Bedtime a Tantrum?

Your child may even be bullying you into buying them games and letting them play them, even past their bedtime, with the threat of a terrible tantrum. This is bologna. This is harmful to you and your child. Letting them have everything they want does not fit with your idea of
parenting.

Trust Your Instincts

Be smart and learn to trust your instincts when it comes to parenting, and get some help if you are unsure. You can engage me to help define some structure around reasonable limits, dealing with the fits and arguments, and creating rewards and consequences that will help your kid reset to habits that will lead to improvement in their mental and behavioral health.

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How can you monitor and manage your children’s use of the internet?

Do you think it’s a good idea to let them have connection in their room or should they be in a family common area where their use can be supervised and monitored?

If you have ever accidentally googled links to inappropriate sites, what are the odds your child might?

How do you know if your kid has a video game addiction? Do they sneak playing and break rules to get to play? Do they get in trouble over playing? Does playing video games interfere with their schoolwork? Does it interfere with their relationships with peers or family members, like you? Sounds like an addiction to me. Does an alcoholic keep booze in their house? Why or why not? Codependence and enabling means you buy in the idea that they NEED their video games to be okay. How is this possible? I can see the idea that they can become dependent and think they need them- is this healthy? I’m thinking human beings lived and thrived on this planet for a long time before video games came along- they are unique to this generation; I’m thinking this must mean we can be okay without them. My kids know if they don’t respect the rules about internet use and video games, if they end up causing us too many problems, I am okay with getting rid of them- I certainly don’t need my kids to have these things.

If you have a kid on the spectrum who is young I would advise you to be very wary of letting them play too much, as they get older I often hear parents lament the fact that there is nothing else their child enjoys doing, no other reinforcer, and it is the only way they can unwind and escape. How did this happen? I’m pretty sure we had kids with autism spectrum disorders before we had video games, and they found a way to make it. If you are only just beginning the war with your child over electronic use, watch out!

Video Game Addiction Resources

Get a review of resources to keep kids safe online and monitor their use, as well as safe websites that are fun and will challenge brainy kids in my other blog on this topic here.

The above link will take you to https://intensivecareforyou.com/adhd-autism-video-game-addiction-tips-and-tools-to-manage-digital-media/

I also have a video course on this site “Digital Culture and Child Development.” Why do I think this issue is a big deal? We’ve launched one huge experiment by putting these devices, these screens, in kids hands. In my Autism Clinic and Family Counseling Center, most conflicts, fights, and family assaults are not occurring over video games. In fact, I now see about one kid a month who has attempted suicide because their parents pulled to plug on video games after fight after fight and all the school grades went from A’s to failing. That’s a pretty big deal.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_game_addiction

The post Video Game Addiction Digital Media Management appeared first on Intensive Care for You.

That’s a lot of kids, right? Read on to get information, tips, resources, a mini-course, and helpful links. I also created a video for parents, teachers, and other therapists to view so they can see some of the ways to manage the problems created by Child Anxiety. Many parents seem to feel that they don’t have time to visit a therapist, so now they can see a therapist reviewing child anxiety definitions and strategies such as cognitive therapy and using them with child anxiety, and get a list of resources they can use themselves if they like. This is not a substitute for therapy, but a good way to get started and if the problems persist then they can seek more direct professional help.
Child Anxiety Video sample link: Anxiety Video

I will also begin posting information about child anxiety definitions and strategies I hope will be helpful here on this blog, and I welcome your feedback and questions.
One of the best and most empirically supported methods of treating anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy, so I will begin here. Remember, anxiety is a normal part of growing up and being human, so try not to worry too much about the worries!
Cognitive behavioral therapy is based on the premise that it is not what happens that creates our feelings, but how we think about what happens. So it’s our thoughts, not external events, that create the response we might label as anxiety. Here is a list of thinking errors, or cognitive distortions, that are common.

Cognitive Distortions
These are faulty or incorrect ways of thinking. By noticing and writing down your thoughts right before or during a time you are upset, you can begin to realize how often you bother yourself with your thoughts. Then you can either stop the thoughts, refuse to believe them, or replace them with thoughts that are more accurate, realistic, and helpful.

1. Overgeneralization- Nobody cares, everybody hates me, watch out for words like never, always, can’t everybody, nobody, have to, all.
2. Global labeling- All lawyers are greedy, I’m stupid, life is a rat-race, it’s hopeless.
3. Filtering- ignoring the good and focusing on the negative
4. Polarized thinking or extremism- it’s all black or it’s all white, if I make one mistake I’m no good, one strike and your out, if I don’t win this time then I’m a failure.
5. Self-blame- makes you think that every time things go wrong it must be your fault. Characterized by excessive apologizing.
6. Personalization- you think that others are blaming you for what they don’t like. When someone complains, you get defensive.
7. Mind reading- You think you know what others are thinking, it’s about you, and it’s bad.
8. Control fallacy- You think you are responsible for everything, you think you have to make others follow rules or do the right thing
9. Emotional reasoning- You think your feelings are facts and they characterize you and your life- just because you feel bad at the moment, your whole life is bad.
10. Heaven’s reward- you think you are supposed to be rewarded for living right, and maybe you think anybody who breaks the rules should be punished, that the universe is supposed to make life fair.

Get a list of cognitive distortions, practice worksheets, short videos, and instructions in the free Mindgarden mini-course by clicking here.

So the smart thing to do is to begin noticing your thoughts and to realize you are not your thoughts, you don’t have to believe them, you are the observer of your thoughts. You can identify thoughts that are in error, and replace them with thoughts that are more accurate, making yourself smarter and helping yourself feel more the way you want to more often.
Your mind is making thoughts all the time, some are automatic and take time to quell. Everybody has thoughts that are unwanted, inaccurate, or inappropriate every day. Just because you think it doesn’t mean you have to believe it or that your thoughts define who you are. It’s what you do that defines your character and personality.
Get started today with journaling your thoughts or helping that child you care about it make a record of thoughts that can be examined, questioned, and replaced with smarter thoughts.

“Mental disorders are common in the United States and internationally. An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older — about one in four adults — suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. When applied to the 2004 U.S. Census residential population estimate for ages 18 and older, this figure translates to 57.7 million people. Even though mental disorders are widespread in the population, the main burden of illness is concentrated in a much smaller proportion — about 6 percent, or 1 in 17 — who suffer from a serious mental illness. In addition, mental disorders are the leading cause of disability in the U.S. and Canada for ages 15-44. Many people suffer from more than one mental disorder at a given time. Nearly half (45 percent) of those with any mental disorder meet criteria for 2 or more disorders, with severity strongly related to comorbidity.” (www.nimh.nih.gov)
About 20 percent of U.S. youth during their lifetime are affected by some type of mental disorder to an extent that they have difficulty functioning, according to a new NIMH survey published in the October 2010 issue of the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. The data support the observation from surveys of adults that mental disorders most commonly start in early life. About half of children suffering receive professional treatment.
I have noticed that quite a few children present at my clinic with anxiety and anger about the bullying and teasing problem in our schools. They often report being upset with peer behavior that is mean, then they dwell on the problems that occur for brief spans of time in the school day throughout the day, locking on to and magnifying the size of the problem. What follows is a description of clinical categories of anxiety disorders and a list of interventions and resources.
Obsessive-compulsive Disorder
Obsessions — unwanted intrusive thoughts
Constant, irrational worry about dirt, germs, or contamination.
Excessive concern with order, arrangement, or symmetry.
Fear that negative or aggressive thoughts or impulses will cause personal harm or harm to a loved one.
Preoccupation with losing or throwing away objects with little or no value.
Excessive concern about accidentally or purposefully injuring another person.
Feeling overly responsible for the safety of others.
Distasteful religious and sexual thoughts or images.
Doubting that is irrational or excessive.
Compulsions — ritualistic behaviors and routines to ease anxiety or distress
Cleaning — Repeatedly washing one’s hands, bathing, or cleaning household items, often for hours at a time.
Checking — Checking and re-checking several to hundreds of times a day that the doors are locked, the stove is turned off, the hairdryer is unplugged, etc.
Repeating — Inability to stop repeating a name, phrase, or simple activity (such as going through a doorway over and over).
Hoarding — Difficulty throwing away useless items such as old newspapers or magazines, bottle caps, or rubber bands.
Touching and arranging
Mental rituals — Endless reviewing of conversations, counting; repetitively calling up “good” thoughts to neutralize “bad” thoughts or obsessions; or excessive praying and using special words or phrases to neutralize obsessions.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder
People with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) experience constant, chronic, and unsubstantiated worry, often about health, family, money, or work. This worrying goes on every day, possibly all day. It disrupts social activities and interferes with work, school, or family.
Physical symptoms of GAD include the following:
muscle tension
fatigue
restlessness
difficulty sleeping
irritability
edginess
gastrointestinal discomfort or diarrhea

Panic Attacks
A panic attack is defined as the abrupt onset of intense fear that reaches a peak within a few minutes and includes at least four of the following symptoms:
a feeling of imminent danger or doom
the need to escape
heart palpitations
sweating
trembling
shortness of breath or a smothering feeling
a feeling of choking
chest pain or discomfort
nausea or abdominal discomfort
dizziness or lightheadedness
a sense of things being unreal, depersonalization
a fear of losing control or “going crazy”
a fear of dying
tingling sensation
chills or heat flush
Since many of the symptoms of panic disorder mimic those of illnesses such as heart disease, thyroid problems, and breathing disorders, people with panic disorder often make many visits to emergency rooms or doctors’ offices, convinced they have a life-threatening illness. It often takes months or years and a great deal of frustration before receiving the correct diagnosis.
Many people suffering from panic attacks don’t know they have a real and treatable disorder

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Posttraumatic stress disorder is characterized by three main types of symptoms:
Re-experiencing the trauma through intrusive distressing recollections of the event, flashbacks, and nightmares.
Emotional numbness and avoidance of places, people, and activities that are reminders of the trauma.
Increased arousal such as difficulty sleeping and concentrating, feeling jumpy, and being easily irritated and angered.
PTSD is diagnosed after a person experiences symptoms for at least one month following a traumatic event. However symptoms may not appear until several months or even years

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml

Social Anxiety
It’s the extreme fear of being scrutinized and judged by others in social or performance situations: Social anxiety disorder can wreak havoc on the lives of those who suffer from it.
Symptoms may be so extreme that they disrupt daily life. People with this disorder, also called social phobia, may have few or no social or romantic relationships, making them feel powerless, alone, or even ashamed.
About 15 million American adults have social anxiety disorder
Typical age of onset: 13 years old
36 percent of people with social anxiety disorder report symptoms for 10 or more years before seeking help
Although they recognize that the fear is excessive and unreasonable, people with social anxiety disorder feel powerless against their anxiety. They are terrified they will humiliate or embarrass themselves.
The anxiety can interfere significantly with daily routines, occupational performance, or social life, making it difficult to complete school, interview and get a job, and have friendships and romantic relationships.
Social anxiety disorder usually begins in childhood or adolescence, and children are prone to clinging behavior, tantrums, and even mutism.
Specific Phobias
While some phobias develop in childhood, most seem to arise unexpectedly, usually during adolescence or early adulthood. Their onset is usually sudden, and they may occur in situations that previously did not cause any discomfort or anxiety.
Specific phobias commonly focus on animals, insects, heights, thunder, driving, public transportation, flying, dental or medical procedures, and elevators.
Although people with phobias realize that their fear is irrational, even thinking about it can often cause extreme anxiety.

What to do?
Seek professional help.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy- Teach Self-talk
Exposure and Response Prevention
Systematic desensitization
Relaxation Training
1-5 Scales
Big Problem/Little Problem
Solution Focus- notice when the problem is not occurring
Medicine
Routines, activity schedules
Model a calm example
Get outside
Exercise
Avoid overscheduling
Vacation station, scheduled breaks
Limit exposure to upsetting media
Do not minimize their feelings
Good nutrition
Regular sleep hours

Bibliotherapy
Happy Face, Sad Face
Don’t Pop Your Cork on Mondays
No More Mr. Worry
The Incredible 1-5 Scale
Exploring Feelings, also CAT-KIT by Tony Attwood www.tonyattwood.com.au

Websites
www.childanxiety.net
www.socialthinking.com
www.adaa.org
www.worrywisekids.org
www.myanxiouschild.com
www.helpguide.org

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety_disorder

I hope this helps you on your journey of learning about child anxiety definitions and strategies!

The post Child Anxiety Definitions and Strategies appeared first on Intensive Care for You.

ADHD Autism and Video Game Addiction- do you think having one of these conditions makes a person more vulnerable to video game addiction? See the lists of resources below.

Web Watcher- www.webwatcherkids.com Allows parents to block websites and record on and offline activity, including keystrokes, IM, and email messages; used by government and law enforcement agencies.
Guardian Family Monitor- www.guardiansoftware.com Let’s families track all online activity. Creates a log and allows video recording of the monitor.
IamBigBrother- www.iambigbrother.com Shows everything kids have done online, including screen captures of emails.
Net Nanny- www.netnanny.com Filtering software that protects kids from seeing things they don’t need to see online while freely browsing.
Cybersitter- www.cybersitter.com Customize what you want them to see and record facebook chats and posts.
Norton Online Family- onlinefamily.norton.com Encourages parent and child communication and helps parents understand what kids are doing online, has an app so you can check in while on the go.
Zoodles- www.zoodles.com An app that let’s kids play free games and watch videos online that are safe. You can set time limits and restrict access to specific games.
Kidzul- www.kidzul.com All sites available have been reviewed to ensure they are appropriate.
Mobicip- www.Mobicip.com Safeguard mobile device activities.
K-9- www.k9webprotection.com Set time limits, block websites, force safe searches, view activity reports.
Source: The Modern Parent’s Guide to Kids and Video Games
by Scott Steinberg

Safe Websites for Brainy ADHD, Aspergers, or PDD-NOS Gifted Kids
Google earth- www.earth.google.com
view maps, satellite photos, galaxies, canyons in the oceans
BBC Human Body and Mind- www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody
Build a skeleton, arrange organs, take psychological tests to learn about your memory and personality
Extra for Students- www.pbs.org/newshour/extra
Browse current world events, see what other students are saying about them, click on “student voices” to submit your own opinions
Olga’s Gallery- www.abcgallery.com
High quality photos of important works of art and info about the artists- on of the largest collections of art on the internet
National Geographic Kids- www.kids.nationalgeographic.com
Games, photos, stories, videos, contests, facts about people, animals, places
Make Beliefs Comix- www.makebeliefscomix.com
Make your own comics, fill in the text bubbles and print or email
Kids on the Net- www.kidsonthenet.com
Kids publish their poems, stories, reports, book reviews, opinions. Join in writing projects like Adventure Island, Kids’ Castle, Monster Motel, Dragonsville

Internet safety- Digital Behavior Management

How can you monitor and manage your children’s use of the internet?

Do you think it’s a good idea to let them have connection in their room or should they be in a family common area where their use can be supervised and monitored?

If you have ever accidentally googled links to inappropriate sites, what are the odds your child might?

How do you know if your kid has a video game addiction? Do they sneak playing and break rules to get to play? Do they get in trouble over playing? Does playing video games interfere with their schoolwork? Does it interfere with their relationships with peers or family members, like you? Sounds like an addiction to me. Does an alcoholic keep booze in their house? Why or why not? Codependence and enabling means you buy in the idea that they NEED their video games to be okay.

How is this possible? I can see the idea that they can become dependent and think they need them- is this healthy? I’m thinking human beings lived and thrived on this planet for a long time before video games came along- they are unique to this generation; I’m thinking this must mean we can be okay without them. My kids know if they don’t respect the rules about internet use and video games, if they end up causing us too many problems, I am okay with getting rid of them- I certainly don’t need my kids to have these things.

If you have a kid on the autism or adhd spectrum who is young I would advise you to be very wary of letting them play too much, as they get older I often hear parents lament the fact that there is nothing else their child enjoys doing, no other reinforcer, and it is the only way they can unwind and escape. How did this happen? I’m pretty sure we had kids with autism spectrum disorders before we had video games, and they found a way to make it. If you are only just beginning the war with your child over electronic use, watch out!

Video Game Addiction article

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Digital Culture- Understanding the Impact on Human Development

Table of Contents Video

0:00 Introduction

1:10 Media and technology statistics

2:23 Lifestyle changes

3:45 Changes in diet and nutrition

3:59 Trends in mental health and academic acheivement

5:57 What is going on?

7:13 Kids need time to play together

10:14 Nonverbal communication

11:47 Developmental learning- healthy limits and habits

13:51 Video game addiction- interview

22:40 Resources

Digital Culture Resources

Carr, N. (2011). The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains. New York: W. W. Norton & Co., Inc.<This is an incredible book and somewhat alarming. This was my favorite read on the topic and might well be balanced by a more favorable impression of digital culture effects on humans such as Cognitive Surplus, listed below.>
Corneliussen, H, & Rettburg, J. (2008). Digital Culture, Play, and Identity. Cambridge, Massachusetts: The MIT press. <This is mostly about World of Warcraft and goes into too much detail for my interest in the broad topic of digital culture.>
Creeber, G., & Martin, R. (2009). Digital Cultures, Understanding New Media. New York: McGraw-Hill.<This has detailed case studies of various forms of digital culture and is more descriptive of the changes and advantages of new media forms than their impact on humanity, although it goes into that somewhat.>
Gere, C. (2008) Digital Culture. London: Reaktion Books. <Explores the ubiquity of digital culture and it’s emphasis on constant change, arguing that we can’t even grasp how humanity will be transformed by this new technology and urging us to closely monitor the effects.>
Miller, V. (2011) Understanding Digital Culture. London: Sage Publications, Inc.<This is a heady exploration of the impact of digital culture on social and political structures.>
Shirky, C. (2010). Cognitive Surplus- How Technology Makes Consumers into Collaborators. London: Penguin Books Ltd.<Here’s a positive note amongst the voices of concern about digital culture, emphasizing the democratic power of the people as enhanced by real-time communication and the ability for anyone to self-publish without government censorship.>
Steinberg, S. (2011). The Modern Parent’s Guide to Kids and Video Games. Liburn, GA: P3 Power Play Publishing.<This is a really good common sense non-alarmist but balanced view of digital media with great tips for parents in managing their child’s access to digitally transmitted information.>

(ADHD Autism Video Game Addiction)

The post ADHD Autism Video Game Addiction- Tips and tools to manage digital media appeared first on Intensive Care for You.