Autism/Asperger: Understanding from the Inside Out

Autism Aspergers Syndrome PDD-NOS Book

I read some years ago in my NASP(National Association of School Psychologists http://www.nasponline.org/resources/ ) handbook that “autism is a lifelong disease. “ I think this is misleading from two standpoints. First, it’s not a disease. It doesn’t get worse as time goes on, it doesn’t mean the person is sick, and you can’t die from it. Second, while there may or may not be a “cure,” the symptoms of high functioning autism or PDD-NOS can and usually do improve over time and with effort. Rather than viewing autism as a disease, I would encourage you to think of it as a difference that may at times cause some “dis-ease,” and at other times may produce miracles of innovation and creativity.

I made this book for you. I wrote this to spread understanding, acceptance, and appropriate assistance for all the people who have symptoms of autism or asperger syndrome, and I created this text to accompany my video by the same title and for the same purposes. The video has interviews with some special people who have overcome a great many challenges, with help and special parenting, to find themselves comfortable with who they are and reconciled with the criticisms and judgements they received from others. I want you to become that person for someone else that always has compassion, always thinks well of them, continues to encourage and support even when unexpected behaviors are occurring. Hopefully you had at least one person in your life who you knew always saw you that way, and helped you see yourself as good, lifted you to your better possible self.

I think God made people different for a reason. Look at Einstein and Edison, DaVinci and Mozart.

Who do you think came up with and designed rockets and computers, anyway?

Either you or someone you know has autism. I hope this will help you expand your limits and overcome obstacles. You have no idea how much you have to offer and how far you and those you love can go until you stop limiting. With understanding, love, and therapeutic social connections we can all transform and leap into a happy, healthy, and purposeful life. I’ve seen this happen over and over in my practice.

This is not intended to be the be-all end-all manual for autism and asperger syndrome, it is meant to give a quick overview that explains why people with this condition have the difficulties and unexpected behaviors they display, and some resources and techniques for getting started on making it better. You should come away with an overview of the characteristics of autism spectrum disorder and have some practical strategies and good resources to help you remediate or compensate for these difficulties and help those on the spectrum do what is expected more often and enjoy a higher quality of life.

Mindblindness- Theory of Mind

Theory of mind, or TOM, means understanding that other people have their own agendas, feelings, and ideas that are separate from yours- their own mind with different plans, opinions, preferences, and experiences. So someone with disruptions in the development of TOM may tend to view the world as if we are all participating in the same stream of consciousness- theirs. This explains why a person on the spectrum may start a conversation somewhere in the middle without providing an introduction or context. Why they might be upset if your plan or opinion differs from theirs. Why they might at times treat others as if they should perform their will as if the separate person were an extension of the spectrum person’s body, like one of their hands. Wouldn’t you be frustrated if one of your arms or legs suddenly quit working and wouldn’t follow your instructions?
On the milder end we may have insistence that an opinion is a fact, neglecting to ask for help (because they don’t think about the fact that others may know things they don’t) and trouble with perspective-taking. On the severe end of disrupted development of TOM we could have a person who doesn’t recognize others as beings to interact with at all.
Characteristics of poorly developed theory of mind could include difficulty with the following;

-literal- Concrete and fail to interpret figures of speech/idioms, tend to split hairs such as arguing that it is not 4:00 yet it’s only 3:58.
-empathy- May not notice how others are feeling or may not modify their behavior to keep others feeling good.
-perspective taking- May stay stuck in their perspective and insist others are wrong if they don’t agree, may even try to make others agree they are right.
-persuading- May demand and insist rather than using tact and diplomacy to influence others.
-compromise- Exactly my way or the highway.
-honest to a fault- How much food did you have to eat to get that fat?
-conflict resolution- Lacking diplomacy and tact needed for resolving interpersonal problems.
-get overwhelmed- being around others because they are working so hard to figure them out rather than using intuition.

You may also notice the following characteristics:
-not know when to be embarrassed
-have trouble predicting how others will feel or react to them
-may appear rude and disrespectful
-may be paranoid because others seem so unpredictable
-trouble understanding deception
-starting in the middle of a conversation- think you know what they know
-don’t realize or read the cues that others aren’t interested in monologues

What are some ways to help a person develop better perspective-taking skills, more empathy, greater consideration of how they impact and shape the experience and feelings of the people with whom they share space?

To help with being overly literal and splitting hairs, I like to teach the kids what splitting hairs means, have them think about trying to split a hair, and show them on a clock with hands and numbers the difference between 3:58 and 4:00, and encourage the parents to use these keywords and anchoring experiences when their kid is “making a mountain out of a molehill” again. It can be fun to conjure and draw images to go with idioms for fun- a “brook chuckling over it’s stoney bed,” “hurting like fire,” “can we get on the same page here?” After laughing we can think about what does this phrase REALLY mean? Apples to Apples is a game that makes you look at how unidentical terms could be somewhat the same, even though not exactly so.

More importantly you can ask kids to make inferences based on nonverbal clues as to what a person’s plan might be. For instance, if two people are talking, standing close to one another, and a third person approaches and stands closely watching them but not speaking, what is the silent person’s intention? That’s right, they want to say or ask something, they are using their body position to give the speaking people awareness that they want something from them without verbally interrupting. You can watch for these teachable moments while at home or in the community, and you can use cartoons as well, pausing on a character before they speak or do something, and asking the child to use the clues to guess what the character is thinking or feeling.
Getting someone with a literal thinking style to make guesses can be tough because many of these folks do not like gray areas- and you can’t REALLY know what someone is thinking or planning but you are expected to make a guess or ask if you are not sure. Socializing is really based on a lot of guesswork, much of which you can’t be completely sure of. Most of us do it automatically without thinking about it, but without this guesswork and scaffolding of assumptions, we really can’t socialize effectively at all. You have to be willing and able to watch people and make guesses about their thoughts, feelings, and intentions.
You are a Social Detective is a good book to teach younger children- from developmental age of about 4-8 years- how to use what they see and hear to do what is expected and how doing what is unexpected can impact how others feel about them in a negative way.

I also teach kids to defer, which means to allow other people to think they are right even when you think they are wrong- just let it go and don’t continue to insist or argue. Sometimes it’s better to allow someone to think they are right even though you don’t agree so the play or conversation can move forward.
Getting someone who is not in the habit of thinking about how others are thinking about them and modifying their behavior to keep others having good thoughts about them will often take many, many repeated trials. Using behavior modification techniques to increase motivation will help too. (How would this look? Please see my video Behavior Management at it’s Best, and take some valuable concepts and techniques that can help you every day).
For greater grasp of deception I like to give kids in my groups some real money and teach them to play poker. I explain bluffing, ways to recognize a bluff and how to manage your nonverbal communication to make a bluff, and I explain that people out there in the world will try to deceive you to get your money. There are also some games you can play with them, such as Fib or Not and Fact or Crap. In Fib or Not the kids have to either tell a story that is true but try to convince their playmates the story is a lie, or they have to tell a story that is a lie but convince playmates it is true.

Video Preview: https://vimeo.com/user15018735/review/130643900/c1e53d2f16

More info from the National Institute of Mental Health http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/autism-listing.shtml