Link to behavior management summary video here.

Focus on Behavior Management

This is a common complaint about many of the children who come to see me for help with managing behavior. Anytime we have disruption in our lives from stress, depression, grief, change, ADHD, and so on, our ability to ignore distractions and remember becomes compromised.

1. Remember you have the power to choose. You can pay attention to a student when he or she is not paying attention, or you can put your energy into them when they are. Waiting until they are off-task and then re-directing can become draining for both the student and the teacher. Build confidence and energize yourselves by emphasizing behavior management intervention that targets being on task and paying attention.

2. Make it fun and easy. Establish a credit system for on-task behavior. Before lunch and at the end            of the day, privately rate the student’s efforts on a chart. For example, poor=0 points, fair=5, good=10, great=15, awesome=20. Allow the student to exchange points for in-class privileges or easier yet let the parents create a menu of rewards the student can purchase with points at home.

Dating the point sheets will also create a log that provides data that can be useful to analyze later. This type of system will also circumvent the problems in attitude and self-esteem that can be created when privileges are lost or the child gets a sad face or an “X.” Finally, Problems with satiation are avoided by providing a menu of rewards so the student does not get tired of the same old thing. Distractible children like novelty. You can also carry tickets or class bucks with you that you can drop on the student’s desk for paying attention and staying on task at your convenience and without interrupting instruction.

If you vary the amount of points or bucks you drop off on them, and vary the schedule and interval to keep it random, you will keep the student responding because they never know when you might notice them doing good or how much the reward will be. Like a slot machine, using the same principles that keep people dropping quarters and pulling the lever as often as possible. How’s that for slick?

Be very explicit and teach what you expect in terms of listening and staying on task. I like to teach “Whole body listening.” You can draw the body parts that follow on your chalkboard as you explain what is expected so you have a visual cue when you ask if the students are showing you whole body listening.

Take a picture of your student on-task and put it on his desk. You listen with your eyes by looking at the speaker. You listen with your lips by keeping them closed. You listen with your hands by keeping them still. You listen with your feet by pointing them at the speaker. Listen with your shoulders and chest by keeping them open and directed towards the speaker. Finally, you listen with your brain by thinking about what the speaker is saying. So you don’t just listen with your ears!

Solution Focus

One of the things people in my business need to help clients watch out for is becoming too problem-focused. Once you get started, it can be hard to stop! We solve one problem, then we hunt for more, and naturally, if we look hard enough, we can always find them.  I can’t tell you how many times I have listened to someone tell me “He can’t sit still,” or, “He doesn’t follow directions.” That’s when I glance at the kid and say “Wow, how’d you get him here?”

We can also always find successes and solutions.

Is the glass half empty or half full? When we are working with children who are not being as successful as we would like them to be, it becomes critical that we monitor ourselves so we aren’t too critical! These children need our faith, support, confidence, and messages assuring that they can, they are, and they will.

The same can be said for working with couples. You go in to the counselor to talk about problems, right? We have to be careful not to influence people to establish or maintain a negative and inaccurate or distorted viewpoint about a person, a behavior, or a relationship. We need hope and faith to create a positive space for the person or the relationship to grow into.

We want to be solution focused because this helps us notice when the problem does not occur. We begin to realize we in fact have the means to cope with difficulties in acceptable ways. We can also think about those good moments and try to figure out what we did that created our magical formula for success.

Want love without limits?

Limitless love is love that is eternal. Eternity is not just a long time, it simply is. In the same way love is. You don’t have to perform or measure up to be worthy of love. You simply are. Love is available to you and from you, without limits, at all times. You can access this through practice and intention, by learning to have dominion over your attention.

How is eternity not just a long time but simply a quality that is? Think of it this way. You would not say 2+2=4 “for a long time.” There is no beginning or end to this value, 2+2 always was equal to four and always will be, it won’t at some point in the future cease to be or become something else. It just is.

In the same way, limitless love, love without limits, unconditional love, this is a love that simply is. A love that requires no specific behavioral set, has no conditions, is always available in infinite, or eternal, supply. How would your experience be different if you were to practice having limitless love for yourself, even when you fail, especially when you fail or are weak, and especially when someone else is not happy with you or having some sort of fit over something?

How would you interact and experience differently, more positively, more lovingly, with your children when you discipline them or they make errors, with your spouse, your lover, your friends,  should you maintain attention on limitless love even when you disagree with what they do, say, think, or feel? What sort of inner peace, support, insight, and inspiration might you welcome and receive were you to practice maintaining this kind of focus? I can tell you from experience that the results are nothing short of miraculous.

If you want to raise your consciousness, elevate your experience, experience God intimately and first-hand pouring into and through you, if you would like to change the way you react to friends, children, co-workers, or you partner, experiment with putting this into practice, this focus on love without limits. Practice clearing your mind of distractions in quiet moments alone first. Connect with and welcome in that which is divine and loving; it’s in you already, it’s in everything everywhere all around you, you can breathe it in as well as broadcast it out energetically. Learn how this feels in your body, then shift your attention, your feeling in your body, your energy, your vibration, in this way when you interact with others, again especially when someone important to you does something you disagree with, or disagrees with you, or when you disagree with yourself.

Stop putting yourself in a place of punishment. Stop punishing those around you to try and make them behave, think, speak, or feel the way you think they should. Feeling bad will not help you do better. Focusing on worry, regret, or anger, all forms of departing from the perfect present moment, will not make you or others perform better. Stop equating your self-worth to measures of performance. Stop judging others as good or bad based on what they may say, think, feel, or do.

Love yourself, most especially, and love your children, your mate, your friends, without limits. When you do this with your children they will find your posture and tone towards them less threatening, demeaning, accusatory, angry, and unhelpful. They will feel the support and faith you have for them without you having to speak a word, and in this way you will guide them to remembering and more becoming the wonderful beings they truly are as they were born into this world. Eliminate the need for defensiveness, denial, anger, and aggression.

If you would like to see how to put limitless love into practice when managing your child’s behavior in more specific and concrete terms, check out my video “Behavior Management at It’s Best” at this site:

I believe the underlying message and available transformation in the practices I demonstrate in this video are so important that if ten dollars is more than you can afford right now email me and I will send it to you for free.

With love,

Brad

Brad@bradmasoncounselor.com

Resources for Behavior Management at it’s Best Video

Bloomquist, M. (2006). Skills Training for Children with Behavior Problems. New York: The Guilford Press. <Instructional strategies for both parents and practitioners>
Copeland, L. (2008). Hunter and His Amazing Remote Control. South Carolina, Youthlight.<This is a very cool resource for kids age 5-15 as a way of explaining ADHD in a positive light and has activities to teach self-control, for a parent or practitioner I’d definitely grab this if you don’t have it already.>

Cox, A. (2008). No Mind Left Behind. New York: Penguin Group.
www.dradamcox.com <Check out this guys’ website and sign up for his newsletter. Brilliant and awesome. The book has hands on realistic methods for helping children develop executive functions.>

Curtis, J. L. (2002). I’m Gonna Like Me. USA, Joanna Cutler Books. <Cute book oriented towards younger children, a short story about self-esteem in the face of being different.>

Dawson, P. and Guare, R. (2009). Smart But Scattered. New York: Guilford Press.<My favorite resource about executive functions, with checklists to help pinpoint which brainskills are weak and how to remediate or compensate , if smart but scattered describes you or someone you love, get yourself this resource.>

Jenson, W., Rhode, G., Reavis, K., (1994). The Tough Kid Toolbox. Champaigne, IL: Research Press Publishers. <Awesome behavior management tools for the classroom>

Madrigal, S., Winner, M. (2008). Superflex… A Superhero Social Thinking Curriculum. San Jose, CA: Think Social Publishing, Inc.<Kid friendly cognitive behavior therapy, teaches social skills and skills for self-control and emotional control, emphasizing flexible and social thinking skills, another favorite resource for kids aged 5-12 and a must-have>

Moser, A. (1988). Don’t Feed The Monster On Tuesdays, also Don’t Pop Your Cork On Mondays.Kansas City, MS: Landmark Editions, Inc.<Great introduction for younger kids to self-esteem and stress management, what it is and who to manage it, kids love these and so do I.>

Websites

http://www.difficultchild.com/ <For the best ideas about managing intense and disorganized children, get Howard Glasser’s book Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach as I think these ideas and this approach is divinely inspired.>

http://www.ldonline.org/article/behavior_modification_in_the_classroom

http://www.latitudes.org/behavioral_charts.html

http://www.toolsofthemind.org

https://mindup.org/
<The last two are curriculum and educational approaches to teaching executive functions in the classroom. Check out some of the research on this stuff and you will be surprised.>

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