Solution Focus

There’s a problem inherent in counseling people about their problems. The risk is that we are modeling and training to notice and focus on failures and problems. As soon as one gets better another is chosen or created. One way to overcome this risk is to be solution focused. In solution focused brief therapy the person is not the problem they are bothered by the problem and the person who discusses the problem. We make subtle but important shifts as counselors when we meet with our clients, asking when they were not bothered by the problem, how will they know, or what will they seem themselves doing differently when the problem is getting better, and discussing what they are doing right and successes.

Here is how we can use language to facilitate people taking action to meet goals:

People have resources to solve their own problems. “Wow- how did you do that?” “Who else noticed you?” “When this problem is not happening, what will you see yourself doing?”
Change is inevitable. Focus the conversation on how things will be different rather than on how things are the same. “What is different about the times when you get your work done and stay in class?” “How did you help them not have the problem?” How are you keeping things from getting worse?”
Your job is to call out and expand the changes. Find what is working, when the problem is not happening, call it out as important and valuable.

“What have you done that went well or wasn’t a problem?” “Remember how you were this time last year? Can you see how different you are now, the progress you have made?” “If you keep going at this rate, I wonder what you will be doing 6 months from now?”
History and thorough analysis of the problem is not necessary. “Can you remember a time when this problem was not bothering you? How can you make that happen again?”
Why the problem happened is not necessary. If you are working with kids whose executive functions, especially metacognition, are delayed, they don’t know what they did let alone why, ditto for the memory of all people for events that occurred while they were very upset. “How much of the day were you not angry today?” “How do you limit the number of times you blurt out without being called on?”
Small changes can lead to bigger global changes. Optimism, confidence, and motivation can help a person overcome all kinds of obstacles. Trust me, I’ve seen miracle shifts in demeanor, behavior, and family systems happen in days after years of suffering. “What has happened since last time that you would like to continue?” How do you keep yourself from ________ so much of the time?” “What other areas have you noticed good things you have done?”
Even if they are a kid, and have IEP goals, let them define some of their own goals. If you as a therapist and your client have not agreed on explicit and clearly stated goals, you may have no therapeutic alliance. You are not on the same team. What would you like to see happening in your life as a result of us working together?” What is the problem that most bothers you that you would like help with first?” “Would you be okay with learning how to use your smart brain in even smarter ways and feeling the way you want to more often?”
Big changes fast are possible. Only problems are hard. Solutions can be easy. Once you know the solution, you say, “Oh, of course!” “What will you be doing when this problem no longer bothers you at all?” “Who would you have to be if you gave up this (thought, feeling, behavior)?” “On a scale from 1-10, how confident do you feel that you will be able to do better this week now?” If they give an encouraging number, say, “That feels good, right?” while you nod your head, trying to get them to mirror your nod, and when they say yes, keep nodding and say “Really good.”

“How much progress do you think you have made, on a scale from 1-10? How will you keep that going?” “How worry did you feel, from 1-10, when we first started? How about now? And if you were to move up just a point or two on that scale, what would you see yourself doing differently, or how would you know?” (In my private practice, when I first started, I had a number of folks who only came in once.

I was worried about this, and wanted to find out what I was doing wrong, so I sent out surveys after my second year of practice to about 600 families. I asked them to rate their experience and improvement with questions and 1-5 scales- Likert scales, and let them include notes on the back, gave them a stamped envelope to send it back in. I got 462 back, and man, was I gritting my teeth to hear the criticism. There was no criticism, in fact, quite the opposite- and many people said they got the changes they were looking for from meeting one time. How about that?)
There is no one right way to think about things. We are in no position to judge how hard things are for someone else or what their experience might be like. We borrow a trick from the consultation model by not minimizing or contradicting a clients’ report of how severe things are. “How do you know the difference between hatred and annoyance?” “What is the difference between depression and feeling a little down?” “When you have a panic attack, what happens?”
We do not focus on what we cannot change. “We can’t control the person who is “making you” mad, we can’t make school go away.” What you can influence and manage is how you think and feel, and how bothered you become about the things you can’t change. Nobody can make you do anything without your permission and cooperation. “How do you do well with other people or in other settings, and how can you use those strategies in this situation?”

If it works don’t fix it. If everything you are trying is not working, do something completely different. Keep it simple. Approach each session as if it were your last and only. Failure is a success at ruling out what doesn’t work.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solution_focused_brief_therapy

Sources
Berg, I. K. (1994). Family Based Services: A Solution-focused Approach. New York:Norton.
Bonnington, S. B. (1993). Soution-focused brief therapy: Helpful interventions for school counselors. School Counselor, 41, 126-128.
Metcalf, L. (1995). Counseling Toward Solutions: A practical solution-focused program for working with students, teachers, and parents. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Center for Applied Research in Education.

Dream Book

This is a beautiful way for a student to establish a sense of purpose and start planting the seeds of what they want to grow in the garden of their mind (Please also read “Garden of the Mind).

Ideally, a dream book will be a special and leather-bound book so it will last, even and especially when it’s owner falls asleep with it in bed.

The Dream Book’s user should be instructed as follows:

1.) On each page, as you think of one, write a dream you have for yourself.

2.) Go to Google Images, or other source of images, such as your own photos, or even better you can create your own symbol or drawing to represent each of the dreams written in your dreambook and tape or paste it into the page with your written description.

3.) At night right before you go to sleep, review your dreams, and try to take a few moments as you arise in the morning to see yourself living the dreams you want.

Rationale:
1.) Writing your goals and focusing on a specific image of the goal helps you be clear and specific about your vision and intention,

2.) Regular dream review helps you stay focused and encourages accountability,
in addition to replacing negative and discouraging thoughts that can be obstacles

Focusing your conscious attention on what you want to create rather than your fears and what you are afraid might happen helps you harness that 95% of mental activity that we are not aware of and put it to work for us. We remember best what we studied right before we went to sleep and as we walk through daily life we can prime ourselves to notice opportunities to realize our dreams and evidence that they are already true or are in the process of becoming true.

Try this yourself for a week and send me an email to tell me what you notice. I think you will be amazed at how quickly your experience and perspective can change.

My Dreambook has all kinds of dreams in it- from materialism and vanity to goals of lofty nobility. For example, the first image and dream I put in my book was a 2014 Mustang that was lowered and had staggered wheels. That image is on the left, and within a few months, the one on the right is mine, and it’s way cooler than the one I imagined! I also have goals to be a great and loving husband, and
“I am
successful helping thousands heal.”

Check out the book, Your Dream Book, here on my site. Not only is it inspirational and motivating, it is a beautiful work of art.

Sign up for the free mini-course; get more resources, videos, and instruction: click here.

http://www2.nami.org/content/navigationmenu/hearts_and_minds/resources195/mygoalsworksheet.pdf