Help Myself and My Child Build Confidence
Building Confidence: Pay Attention to the Positives
Help Myself and My Child Build Confidence
Make a list of everything positive you have done in your life.
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Now take a look at what you have done. Does this help you feel more confident? What else would build your confidence? Would you need any special training, skills, or tools?
(Exerpt from My Power Book available for Kindle on Amazon here.)
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See my “Resources for Free” page for a pdf copy of this exercise, and much, much more.
Building confidence is not always easy. You are used to being graded on your work, scored in your games, sized up by friends and enemies alike, and counting many likes you get on social media. True confidence does not come from your scores, your pay, your position, or what your friends and enemies say about you.
Confidence, and building confidence, comes from within. Confidence comes from how you treat yourself, the thoughts you make about yourself, how YOU evaluate you, and from your beliefs about what you should be doing in your various roles.
Exercise: Belief Inventory
Think about the roles you play. Are you a woman, a boss, an employee, a spouse, a son, a student, a parent? (See example below)
As a parent, I should
As a student, I should
As a son, I should
As a woman, I should
As the boss of my company, I should
As a sister, I should
As a member of my basketball team, I should
As a friend, I should
Once you list all the things you are expecting of yourself, it will be revealed that your expectations and judgements are ridiculous, and then you no longer have to listen to the voice of confidence robbing punishment in your head.
Where did this voice come from? An echo of memory designed to keep you from being hurt. Except the voice may be a program from the past and it’s message does not have to be accepted as reasonable and applicable to the present and the future.
As a Dad, I should
Keep my children safe
Teach them all the skills and habits they need to be successful and happy
Provide a stable, clean, and comfortable home
Protect them from threats
Make sure they do all their homework, turn in all assignments, and make good grades
Make sure they don’t get into trouble, and if they do, make consequences and rewards so it doesn’t happen again
Facilitate a fulfilling social life
Make and serve healthy food
Make sure they brush their teeth and shower
Make sure they have decent clothes and dress appropriately
Keep them away from bad influences
Don’t let them drink or do drugs
Comfort them when they feel hurt or sick
Stop them from doing things that could result in their being rejected in the world of work, academia, and relationships
Teach them proper manners
Teach them to clean up after themselves
Make them obey
As a business owner I should
Keep all my clients happy with my services
Make enough money
Keep my facility clean and inviting
Fix the problems my clients want fixed
Make sure nobody gets mad and sues me or talks bad about me
Collect all the money owed to me
Do what I do better than all my competitors
Make sure nobody gets hurt using my products or services
As a husband I should
Keep my wife happy
Treat my wife with respect
Make my wife feel valued and loved
Be supportive
Do chores
Make sure my wife is taking good care of herself
Make sure my wife doesn’t work too much
Keep my wife from being mad at me
Make sure my wife is being a good enough parent
Don’t be too critical
Make my wife feel good about her body
Make sure our lovemaking is fulfilling for both of us
Give her presents on special days
Take her on dates
Keep up with the yard
Keep the house maintained and everything running
Provide enough money
Schedule vacations
Listen
How long is your list? Is it reasonable? Do you count what you do right, building confidence, or focus where you fall short, bringing yourself down? And when you are down, do you get more done and perform more effectively? Or do you do better when you feel confident and positively about yourself? The thoughts and beliefs you focus on will determine your feelings, as well as, to some degree, the performance you are concerned about.
Did I help myself and my child build confidence?
Self-talk, Self-Esteem, and Self-Control Video Course
I want to create healthy happy life
It can be hard to work with a mind that keeps going to the problems and worries. It's time to teach children their power over thoughts and feelings.
I would like teachable exercises for; replacing thoughts that are not helpful, reasonable, or true, creating joy and emotional resilience, Mindgarden metaphor illustrating power and choice in thoughts, Dream Book strategy for identifying clear goals and building motivation, a video explaining how NOT to let others or situations have the power to bring you down!